Panic.
Something I learnt about myself since the last time I posted on here: I'm a coward when it comes to dealing with people's opinion on what I've written, and especially when what's being said is good.
The overwhelmingly positive responses I received from my last post at the end of January threw me into a spiral of self-doubt. One of my friends from university said "Wow, you can really write! For an engineering student that's really surprising!" Another friend said that they enjoyed and related to what I was saying. This scared the living daylights out of me.
The one response I wasn't expecting was from my God-sister. She sent me a message on facebook which completely caught me off guard. I won't detail what was said, just a summary: she had been going through the same thing, and she had recently started going to the gym and was feeling much happier and healthier. I honestly didn't know what to say, so I left it a week and told myself that I would reply to her soon. A week turned into two and then into a month, and to this day I still don't know how to respond.
I feel like a failure. She reached out to me and because of the sheer panic I felt just from seeing her message and reading through it I froze and couldn't respond. This has made me aware of how insecure I really am, and how much dealing with others makes me uncomfortable to the highest degree. I'm dealing with it I guess. I don't know.
For an update on the whole situation, I have joined the gym now and I try to make time to go at least twice a week. I went home for three weeks which sadly meant that I couldn't go to the gym and do my regular routine but still tried to be relatively active.
The overwhelmingly positive responses I received from my last post at the end of January threw me into a spiral of self-doubt. One of my friends from university said "Wow, you can really write! For an engineering student that's really surprising!" Another friend said that they enjoyed and related to what I was saying. This scared the living daylights out of me.
The one response I wasn't expecting was from my God-sister. She sent me a message on facebook which completely caught me off guard. I won't detail what was said, just a summary: she had been going through the same thing, and she had recently started going to the gym and was feeling much happier and healthier. I honestly didn't know what to say, so I left it a week and told myself that I would reply to her soon. A week turned into two and then into a month, and to this day I still don't know how to respond.
I feel like a failure. She reached out to me and because of the sheer panic I felt just from seeing her message and reading through it I froze and couldn't respond. This has made me aware of how insecure I really am, and how much dealing with others makes me uncomfortable to the highest degree. I'm dealing with it I guess. I don't know.
For an update on the whole situation, I have joined the gym now and I try to make time to go at least twice a week. I went home for three weeks which sadly meant that I couldn't go to the gym and do my regular routine but still tried to be relatively active.
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